You’ve been hiding it pretty well to yourself
Something was missing. Your coworkers didn’t see it. Your friends brushed it off. Your partner may suspected it. But you were holding it together because you were still functioning and performing, maybe even better than most. But one question was rising from the inside: am I aligned with who I want to be? It’s a tough question and alcohol is just everywhere as a temporary ‘aid’ to keep feeling comfortable in your own skin. So you keep it all hidden, the thing that’s missing and alcohol, because, your life hasn’t “gotten that bad” and you still feel in control. However, this missing voice gets louder over time, because it’s exhausting to keep hiding from it by a poison. You can’t hold it for ever, managing this tension, looking fine on the outside (with another drink), while moving away from yourself, somehow shaky, unclear while missing the spirit and energy. The voice in your head also gets louder, because it’s not even weakness, it’s wisdom that is asking for something better. So you start to get more open for any life changes, while realizing that alcohol should be addressed first. Because, you found some truth that applies to any hard drug: you first perceive its benefits, then the drug will works against you. The only difference to alcohol is that people are not aware of it for such a long time (their life are still functioning over decades, while the drug patience is killing slowly).
So you start to address alcohol first.
You already know how this belief system proposes “benefits” towards pleasure (partly by raising dopamine levels towards entertainment, fun, relaxation, confidence, excitement, etc.) But also, how this belief system is false, because you just feel how the drug drags you down, which is cause by a long term illusion. You see how the Matrix correlates pleasure with pain, while adding more pain, to propose itself again as a pain killer!
